There is a difference between encouragement and support and downright coercion — or worse — physical actions that literally push people over the edge.
I’m all for getting folks out of their comfort zone. Virtual pushes are awesome. But there’s one rule I abide by unscrupulously: It’s got to be on OUR OWN terms.
- WE are the ones that have to take that step.
- WE are the ones that make that choice.
- WE are the ones that get to decide if today is the day.
I watched the end of this video twice and both times it left me physically shaking with anger, frustration, disappointment and discouragement. Mostly anger. (It’s long, so start at about 11 minutes in.)
If you’d like to read other accounts of the video, check out Women’s Adventure and Adventure-Journal.
According to Adventure-Journal, the woman didn’t break up with the guy right away, but eventually did a few weeks later for other reasons. I’d love to talk with her and hear her side of the story about what happened.
But here is why this is so disturbing to me.
How many times in the video did she say no? In how many ways did she make it clear she was saying no? Yet this guy believes that “she’ll thank me later,” and that he did her a favor because he thinks it’s cool.
He sees nothing wrong with thinking and acting for her. (Never mind the fact that it’s potentially a life or death risk.)
She ends up missing out on making that decision for herself. Regardless of whether she steps off that cliff of her own volition, or unties and unclips out of the harness, making that decision and taking that action on her own is crucial. Either action is incredibly powerful and empowering when it’s our own choice.
It’s abundantly clear that she felt she wanted to do it. She is strapped in and seems to have an intention to go.
But she’s also clearly scared. She hesitates. Tries again and again, but can’t bring herself to take the step. How many of us can relate?
I know I certainly can. I’m very familiar with the feeling of being scared yet desperately wanting to do it. Of wanting to find the courage to act.
And when I’ve done it, the feeling of pride and exhilaration is exponential. And when I haven’t, I deal with the disappointment, learn from it and move on—usually better equipped and prepared to do it the next time.
The key is that it’s MINE. I own that choice. I own that action—whatever it ends up being.
It Needs To Be Our Own Choice
There’s so much that goes into risk-taking. So many factors – not least of which is our comfort level, risk threshold for that day (because let’s face it – it changes all the time, even hour to hour), and being able to trust those we’re with.
Taking risks is awesome. And we should all be encouraged to do it— it’s how we grow and evolve. But we have to be able to create our own environment for that risk or it’s possible to make it worse and increase the fear instead of work through it.
No Means No. Period.
No means no. Period. Allowing her to make the move; to make the choice herself to step off that cliff is by FAR the most empowering, supportive and encouraging thing any of us can do for another—in any situation.
Taking a risk has to be our own choice. It doesn’t matter if she was strapped in, or if she’d stated earlier she wanted to go, but then changed her mind.
It doesn’t matter if it was fun after the fact. Empowerment comes from taking that step ourselves. Empowerment comes from saying no and having those who profess to love you respect your choices and your decision—whatever they turn out to be.
What do you think? What would you do in that situation?
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Other posts you might enjoy:
- Finding Your Strength: Lean Into Fear
- The Importance of Taking Risks
- Taking Risks: What to Know Before You Jump
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